Monday, August 31, 2009

GOP Suggests Democratic Party's Health Care Bill Could Deny Health Care to Republicans

by Ben Reilly

The Republican National Committee has mailed a fund raising appeal signed by RNC Chairman Michael Steele in which it is suggested that under the Democratic health care reform bill, Republicans could be discriminated against for medical treatment.

A questionnaire in the mailing says the government could check voter registration cards, "prompting fears that GOP voters might be discriminated against for medical treatment in a Democrat-imposed health care rationing system."

The questionnaire then asks, "Does this possibility concern you?" An RNC spokeswoman said that the question was "inartfully worded" but said that "the RNC doesn't try to scare people. We're just trying to get the facts out on health care."

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Obama's Approval Increases as Support for 'Public Executions' Grows

By DP Fleming, D Pressing News Senior Staff Reporter

According to the latest pole taken by D Pressing News, support for the death panel component of President Obama's health care reform proposal has increased to a whopping 82%.

However, that is provided those coming before the panels consist of individuals caught on camera yelling and screaming at recent local town hall meetings.

Elderly senior citizens, also known as, Grandpaws and Grandmaws will be the first executed.

As a cost-saving measure, weapons confiscated from individuals attending town hall meetings will be used to mow down Grandpaw and Grandma in middle school yards across the nation.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Sarah Palin Gets 20 Cows, 40 Goats, Dogsled

By DP Fleming, D Pressing News Senior Staff Reporter

President Obama's aids are under control. They and fellow Democrats say that protests at town hall meetings are orchestrated by groups riding cows and goats provided by the health insurance industry's pro condom republican advocacy group (CRAP), the Republican Party's Milking the Middle Class, and a coalition of right-wing talk show hosts called whimper formed to improve their program ratings.

Obama said that the rumors include such bizarre ideas as one "that will promote euthanasia when in fact the program, Youth and Asia, is designed to improve math at the middle school level. Other rumors include a cut in Medicaid, which is actually designed to provide free medical Bandaids for the poor.

The biggest rumor yet, say Obama aids, is a government takeover of health care. This program to find healthy individuals to care about the government is nothing new and has been brought before Congress in various bills--beginning with Gov 101: Care About Uncle Sam?--since WWII.

In related news from our WGAF files, Sarah Palin's lawyer said she will be divorcing her husband Todd.