Thursday, April 29, 2010

Tommy Make Movie - Next One Gooder

By DP Fleming, D Pressing News Senior Reporter.

The recently formed delusional D Pressing News Film Series, in association with its own mental image, presents the most important, groundbreaking cinematic experience since 60-Minutes, legendary movie maker Tommy Wiseowl's He Boom.

He Boom is tragically a mesmerizing, shocking, intellectually emulating, quasi-American black and colored, unintentionally funny, love story made with passion, and filled with betrayal, lies, a kid who looks 30, a gun, Johnny, sex, Johnny's muscles, a partially nude girl, Johnny's butt, candles, and roses, in which the gun goes off and the protagonist dies (it's a surprise suicide).

He Boom stars thinker/writer/director/chuckler/get angrier, Tommy (the bird) Wiseowl, a man with money who made a movie. Tommy plays a guy in his own movie with a bunch of people who agreed to be in a movie for money, especially the chick who plays his future wife "you're tearing me apart" Lisa, who has to pretend to sleep with Tommy without laughing. She was paid over scale.

The film shows the relationships that have to be formed between semi-professional actors sacrificing their reputations by committing themselves to celluloid for money while asking "Can we really get out of this somehow with the money before the camera rolls?"

He Boom has been running through projectors and drawing flotsam off the street and into a movie house in Los Angeles and has arrived in St. Louis just in time to arrive in St. Louis. Don't miss seeing the screen it's projected on!

Monday, April 26, 2010

"Decidering Pointes" by Goegre W. Bush

By DP Fleming, D Pressing News Senior Reporter

Rather than a traditional autobiography, former President George W. Bush has written* a book, a "memtalwar" about the major thinking times in his life. The book, Decidering Pointes will be reviewed as soon as the finger paintings dry and certain lines are redrawn to specific numbers.

KidDoodle Publishers said: "... he has spent almost every day drawing Decidering Pointes, a strikingly subjective and almost understandable account revealing why he became president instead of a crossing guard and how he turned an oil company bankruptcy into an inconsequential presidency."

The book will sell for $59.99 with a limited number of signed copies with original coloring within the lines, and connect the dots pictures of "camping and stuff", in cloth-bound copies.

* written defined as "...havin' a few beers with this writer-guy who wrote stuff I said and stuff." -- GWB.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Tea Party: No Longer for Dummies and Racists

By DP Fleming, D Pressing News Senior Reporter.

A recent New York Times poll of Tea Party supporters indicates that the majority of them are more intelligent and educated, wealthier, spiritually superior, healthier, and better looking than the general public.

Tea Party members oppose Obama's policies on the indisputable, self-evident, universally-recognized, absolute and God-certified truth that they aren't wrong. Contrary to the notion that they are racists, they smarty-pants-ists.

Unlike the public, 99% are concerned a family member will become unpatriotic or a republican, democrat or other dangerous thinker such as communist, fascist, tennis pro, hair stylist, or nail technician's assistant. Over 89% say the recession has caused them major hardships with math.

They feel apathy among voters has led to the current trouble in America, and plan to "git that thing called pathy and shoot it when we find it."

Most feel that Sarah Palin is as good as Oprah Winfrey any old day, and blame Congress for Bill Maher not the Bush Administration or David Letterman.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Iran Announced "You Damn Right We Have Mastered NaCl Technology!"

By DP Fleming, D Pressing News Senior Reporter

Friday, President Ma-mood?I'm-mad-at-dinner-god of Iran announced that Iran has advanced its Sodium Chloride technology, during his speech celebrating National Salt Day.

During his speech chants of "Breath to America" and "God is Pretty Cool Considering the Virgins and All" could be heard coming from the crowd.

"Iranian scientists have fully mastered sodium and chloride technology, taking giant steps, moving with big shoes at full pace," said Iran's President Ma-mood?I'm-mad-at-dinner-god. "Watch out America and your Jewish friends!"