Neo Conservatives Flunk Obama's Address to School Kids

PHOTO: Unidentified Mind Melder with President. Notice weapons disguised as books on shelves

By DP Fleming, D Pressing News Senior Staff Reporter

President Obama's coming address to school children has been interpreted by most intelligent earthlings as follows: the president will ask children to stay in school and study and he will encourage them that anything they want to attain in life is possible.

However, validating the twenty-year trend that the political right is becoming primarily white, racist, paranoid and stupid, many who are educators, politicians, and parents have viewed an advance draft of the presidents address to grade schoolers and are interpreting it as follows:

Previous presidents have spoken to school children teaching them important things like urging them to keeps their seats in class and on buses, refrain from blaming each other for farting, and stop flicking boogers at Tara Ecklecamp.

President Obama, America's first racial president, intends to ask school children to stockpile plenty of ammo for their AK-47 assault weapons.

The White House has stated that the president intends to create an army of elementary school children to carry out his plan to storm neighborhoods across the country and destroy privately owned swing sets and jungle gyms. The master plan for this strategy is known to insiders as Obama's Brilliant Exceptional Youth Model Emotional Optimization Re-education Indoctrination Engineering, aka OBEYMEORDIE.

The program will force unsuspecting children into state run Gitmo-like "right-education play areas" where they will wear black hoods and be forced to undergo rubber band snaps to their hind ends, be threatened by pull-string talking Barneys, and acquire boo boos from splinters when sliding down wooden water slides.