By DP Fleming, D Pressing News Senior Staff Reporter
Yesterday, Mr. Paper Machete, an expert in document forensics, filed a report that President George Washington's birth certificate known as a "Certificate That Verifies That This Man Was Born to be King of America" is fake. The document has been claimed to be authentic for over 200 years. Machete concluded that the nation's first president's certificate "has a photo".
The report was published in the Manangahela Wingnut, a magazine with idiotic cartoons that interfere with the text which is published in hieroglyphics.
The purported birth certificate was discovered by a Senator Mitch McConnell during a search for his ethics. The senator has been without ethical standards for years and in desperation began rooting behind White House bookshelves.
Since President Washington could not prove he was a natural born US citizen, he would not be eligible to be president.
McConnell called for a special prosecutor and session of Congress to address how the United States of America could be started over. The first witness to be called will be President Washington.
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