"D" Pressing News Flashes

Bush Pardons Himself and Other Criminals
By D P Fleming—D Pressing News Staff Writer

President Bush pardoned himself and 147 convicted criminals and commuted the sentences of two hundred others as of Monday. The President normally issues reprieves to large-cash campaign contributors, big oil executives, and teens caught playing hooky from class.

All totaled, he has issued 4,171 pardons and commuted eighteen hundred sentences during his Presidency.

The crimes that President Bush pardoned vary widely from joining a union and tax evasion to using welfare to survive and food stamps to buy edible food. On a positive note, President Bush has issued just under the total number of reprieves issued by all the former two-term Presidents combined. Also, no one pardoned has been convicted of serial killing. . . yet