By DP Fleming, D Pressing News Senior Staff Reporter
Effective July 26, Alaska governor Sarah Palin will convert 151 trillion tons of dry ice into liquid water and transfer it to Lt. Gov. Sean Parnell.
Furthermore, Palin has returned 45 pounds of pulsating blobs of mutated annelids, known locally as worm muscle, to Joe-the-Plunger. Ms. Palin borrowed the gooey creatures and has been using them in her signature hair preparation Sarah's Spiffy Earth Essence.
With his new campaign slogan, "Tubes You Can See Through", Plunger will kick off his 2012 presidential bid with free samples of Sarah's worm gunk, which the governor had previously hidden in the city sewers of Wasilla Alaska.
Palin said in a news conference, "We know Joe's slimy tubificids will thrive, they already do on Fox News."
Palin made what she referred to as a "basketball" analogy saying "Balls, hoops, Alas-ka!" Asked for comment, Mr. Plunger responded, "I knew that."