By DP Fleming, D Pressing News Senior Staff Reporter
On Friday, The House Intelligence Committee said it would investigate a secret program to determine if Dick Cheney withheld information about his IQ on his job application for vice president. Congress confirmed Cheney's suspected stupidity last month.
Despite a life of comfort and wealth, Cheney's mother lived mostly on rat entrails and snake venom that exposed her little Dick to antidotes during pregnancy.
Researchers found evidence that the vice president's erratic heartbeat and diet of bubonic rat antidote may have hampered his brain in utero.
The study focused on the VP's inability to smile symmetrically and recent changes in his physiology making him appear rodent-like.
Cheney scored forty points lower than President George W. Bush and other imbecilic control vermin in the study. Cheney's Officials claim that he merely obeyed his mother.