Wednesday, February 11, 2009

$Googol Dollars Bailout Plan Announced

By DP Fleming--D Pressing News Senior Staff Reporter

US Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner announced today that a Federal Reserve economic assets killed plan (FREAK) that began as $200 billion dollars in the House, has been expanded to a $googol dollars (1 followed by 100 zeros).

An additional measly $500 quadrillion (a quadrillion is 1000 trillions) was ear-marked for public-private, sub-prime mortgage investment packages and interest market cap deposit-withdrawal loans that cash-out on fund-related stock option call futures.

Geithner said "Parts of our financial system, the source of the global turn down and the parts that once had money in them, are in the sh*tt*r. Instead of turning the recession around, the financial system is lying homeless in the gutter. We need to get that homeless financial system to a McDonald's in China."

All of this is on top of the existing $800 quintillion (a quintillion is 1000 quadrillions) bank deposit scheme, also known as TARP the Take Assets & Run Program. There is still no guarantee that all of the money can be put on a Capital One credit card without evil spacemen or cavemen stealing it.

"What's in your wallet?" asked the Treasury Secretary. "I need to borrow a few bucks for lunch."

2 comments:

Ross said...

Seriously I am owed $1 Googol by the US Government for the harassment I have endured and it will soon double if I don't get payment in full.

Austin Graybeal said...

when you get your money may I have oh you know 3 or four billion ? maybe? just a few 100billion?