Monday, March 22, 2010

Texas Rep. Blasphemes Comedian 93

By DP Fleming, D Pressing News Senior Staff Reporter.

Rep. Randy Neugebauer (R-TX) came forward today and admitted yelling during the House debate on the health care bill last night.

In his CYA statement, Neugeubauer said that he meant to refer to Rep. Bart Stupak, D-Mich. as "a Phyllis Diller".

Neugebauer apologized to Mr. Stupak saying,"Last night in the heat and emotion of the debate, I called you a Phyllis Diller in reference to your attitude toward unborn children and its similarity to the freaky comedian's views on children and health care in general. I deeply regret that my actions were mistakenly interpreted as a direct reference to your disturbing and eerie physical resemblance to the aging comic."

D Pressing News has obtained a "House Strategy" document Rep. Neugebauer was reading at the time he yelled at Rep. Stupak. The comments, attributed to the comedian in question, were to be attributed to Mr. Stupak.

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.

Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"

Rep. Neugebauer's office issued a statement this morning claiming that the congressman will stick to more appropriate Larry the Cable Guy fart jokes in the future.

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