By DP Fleming, D Pressing News Senior Staff Reporter
"President Barack Obama is good looking and intelligent. This angers my close friends and devotees who are ugly, unless a bearded, brown, cauliflower face appeals to you, and kinda dumb considering their eagerness to blow themselves to pieces for "virgins."
This according to a videotape said to be from Osama bin Laden. The tape aired on al Jazeera TV's subsidiary station bin Poopin during Barack's recent visit to the Middle East.
U.S. counter terrorism official Ispy Forthecia believes the tape is authentic, adding, "there is a thing on a shovel, we think it's human, in a dress and wearing a diaper on his head. The voice echos like it's in a cave and the package the tape came in stinks. It's like every other Bin Laden tape." The al Qaeda leader criticized U.S. military actions in Pakistan saying "we will not give up our rocks and our sand, our caves and our bat quano."
White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said there is more sand than rock in Pakistan and there is plenty of bat quano. "In the video, bin Laden rides on a shovel of bat quano and manipulates an al-Kermit the Sheik hand puppet to distract attention from Obama's attempts to reach out to the sane Muslim world," said Gibbs.