By DP Fleming--D Pressing News Senior Staff Reporter
Scientists at John Hopkins University have discovered that people who regularly eat potato salad develop a genetic neurological disorder that damages their ability to make informed decisions because the food attacks a protein normally found in yeasts but recently discovered in the heads of potato salad eaters.
"It's been a mystery why intelligent beings begin life as children then mentally deteriorate," said neuroscience professor Idaho Peel.
Peel determined that a mutant form of the protein polywannapeptidecracker causes an effect known as thatbanjoplayingkidinthemoviedeliverence syndrome and is found everywhere in human brain cells in clumps that resemble Richard Nixon's head. The anomaly suggests that the human mind may be preventing its own thoughts from reaching logical conclusions.