By DP Fleming, D Pressing News Staff Writer
If you like steak but wish it were cheap and conservative, then Meat Partier and 1950s singer Pat Boon has a line of mail order meat food byproducts for you.
Boon, who launched the Beverly Hills Meat Party in November 2010, is taking his brand of Christian/Capitalist/Music Business/Acting/Tele-NeoConservatism to pretty much predictable places.
The D Pressing News reports that Boon partnered with Texas tycoon, B.J. "Billy Bob" Brahmabull-Ranchetto to launch "Pat Boon All-American Meat Food Byproducts," with the motto "if you pray, this almost tastes like meat!"
The site offers 25% all-American meat food byproducts of Filet McLigament, Ribeyeganglia Steakoids, New Jersey Stripper Pole Organ Residue, Topless Girloin, and T-T Boner and Whorehouse Butt. Prices range from $399 for three 8 oz. Topless Girloins to $899 for two 6 oz. Filet McLigaments, $799 for two 18 oz. T-T Boners, and more.
According to the site, 95% of the proceeds will go to Christian/Capitalist/Music Business/Acting/TeleNeoConservatist organizations that "do the right things needed in today's liberal, pagan, homoerotic, bestiality-infected, and just damned society."
The remaining royalties will go to Exquisitely Corpsed, a group that Boon started with the dead parents of child television actors" and "expects to appeal to nobody except women over 90."
You also have the option of joining the site's "Pat Boon All-American Potted Meat Food Spam and See Food Brigade" community, because "if you love a great-tasting tendon, lipid, and cow sphincter hot from the can, you're not alone. You're part of an extended community of mashed and chunked meat food byproduct lovers."
"I've been known as the Vanilla Man Milking Mankind for Money and a closeted homosexual for fifty years," Boon said. "Now, I'll probably be known as the Meat Food E. coli Buy Product Mass Milking Homophobe."