By D P Fleming, Senior Reporter
"U.S. President Barack Obama (seen in photo signing a check) will spend $800 billion on security, movies, steak, lobster, sushi, alcohol, snacks, toothpaste, and hookers," says Glenn or Glenda Beck, a top official of the Maharashtra Government who flew to Washington and is privy to the arrangements.
About 300,000 people including Secret Service agents, US government officials, journalists, the entire Children's Television Network, Disneyland, Sylvester Stallone, and James Woods will accompany the President. Several officials from the White House security agency have been in Mumbai for a week with helicopters, ships, high-end security instruments, chewing gum, submarines, aircraft carriers, the U.S. Marine Corps air wing, and a specialist in diverticulitis.
"US officials may not be allowed to carry weapons with the exception of deodorant. Although incompetent in security measures, the Mumbai state police will be piloting the Presidential convoy," said Rush Limplog on condition of anonymity.
Navy and Air Force will intensify patrolling along the Mumbai coastline and its airspace in search of corn dog vendors said to accompany Obama. As a sign of arrogance, the city's airspace will be fogged with burning oil before the President's arrival.
The area from Hotel Taj, where Obama and his wife Michelle will try the country's newest flying carpets, to a Shikra helipad in Colaba will be cordoned off and covered with swan feathers so the U.S. President can feather role naked during his afternoon meditation, a habit for which he is renowned everywhere except in America.