Ex-president is uh salted

By DP Fleming--D Pressing News Senior Staff Reporter

George W. Bush suffered skin rashes to his face, arms, and chest after falling into a pretzel salting machine at the Big Pretzel restaurant in Abilene, TX. The former president was busy pulling apart and engorging his third order of the Big P, a twenty pound man-sized dough wrap, when the mishap occurred.

"He leaned way too far over the counter to look into the dough bin and he coughed in it," said restaurant manager Sal Tine. "When I hollered at him, he slipped and fell into the saltolator."

Mr. Bush has been recuperating, wearing a special pretzel mishap mask designed especially for him. He uses the mask while lying in a hammock, sunning in his back yard, and binge drinking boiler makers.