By DP Fleming--D Pressing News Senior Staff Reporter
A recent study by Spudling, Gomer, Goober, and Booger, Ink has ranked the city of St. Louis, MO as the 69th goofiest city in America. Burbank, CA came in at #2 with Hooterville, MI at #3, the town of Dick, FL #6, Fumbucker, LA at #9, Dingleberrie, OH at #12, Bung, CO at #18, and Goon, PA at #22.
The 100 cities which comprise the list were ranked based on the criteria: how often residents look at their shoes when walking, how popular is the wearing of chains for belts, and how many people are driving around with turn lights perpetually on (except when turning) or staying at traffic lights long after they turn green. Number of teeth per capita was a determining factor as well.
The study was commissioned by a bored man in Texas with a large sum of inherited oil revenue and no idea what to do with it. The last city on the list was Bumbf*ck Egypt, Arizona where the local sport of jumping naked in the town square on large cactus plants grown for the occasion is considered idiotic but necessary.