By DP Fleming--D Pressing News Staff Reporter
Retail giants Macy's and Neiman Marcus have announced a massive recall of SOCOOLIRULE, a fake personality product. The two stores have contacted both customers, Brandon and Gale, to let them know, and posted notices in all storefront windows to stay away from these guys.
SOCOOLIRULE was sold in 2008 as a product for dweebs and dorks. A spokesman for Neiman Marcus claims the product even works for a-holes.
"That sucks ass," said Brandon, when learning about the recall. "I'm a 75th level gnome," said Gale.
The product is supposed to enhance one's likeability and ward off shoves and razzies while giving the user confidence. Macy's says there is no harm in the fake SOCOOLIRULE, however, D Pressing News has since learned that items sold in the US last year were contaminated with a chemical found in doorstops that makes them brown.