Monday, January 26, 2009

Citigrope Laps Up Bailout Money

By DP Fleming--Senior D Pressing News Flash Staff Writer

Citigrope, recent recipients of $45 billion of tax payer money, announced that they are buying a brand new $150 million-dollar indestructible safe and a $50 million French jet that seats 6 in stylish private booths. The plane also includes pole-dancer ground stabilizers under each wing.

The private "business suites" are furnished with their own bar, bed, $75,000 toilet, and private "maid/escort".

As part of the new fiscal responsibility program, Citigrope is also trying to sell two of its older jets built sometime back in the late 2008 era.

When asked to comment about the new purchase, Bill MeLater, head of Citigrope's purchasing department said "We have an obligation to guarantee the board that none of our executives will abandon ship, or plane if you like."

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