Sunday, January 11, 2009

Special D Pressing News Announcement

By DP Fleming, Senior Staff Writer, D Pressing News

Due to the current economic downturn, the D Pressing News is forced to make some cutbacks, or as we like to say--we're right-sizing. Rather than diminish the quality of this vital source of insane news, we are scaling back. However, there is a silver lining in this reorganization move.

From this date forward, we are eliminating all of our Staff Writers. That's the downer. The good news is the organization is promoting Staff Writer DP Fleming to Senior Staff Writer.

We here at D Pressing News are honored and privileged to promote a journalist who has shown time and time again a devotion, a diligence, and a depth of perspicacity for seeing beyond the layers of evidence, facts, and their corresponding truths and into the pure insanity of these critical life-altering events.

Congratulations DP from all of us at the "News". For your continued dedication, we present you with this valuable, stressed antique deletion device to cherish and pass on to your children and grandchildren for many years to come.

Continued good luck.

DP Fleming
D Pressing News Senior Staff Writer

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