Saturday, January 24, 2009

Doctors to Remove Remaining Goodness From Cheney's Buttocks

By DP Fleming---D Pressing News Senior Staff Writer

Monday, a team of doctors will attempt to remove the last remaining spark of goodness that had worked it's way from Vice President Dick Cheney's sneer and down to his left butt cheek.

The discovery was made on inauguration day. Cheney had felt a discomfort on his left butt cheek and loosened his belt to be more comfortable in his wheelchair. As the VP was lifted from the wheelchair to a limo, his trousers accidentally dropped and exposed his rear end.

No one but Ms. Cheney noticed the discontinuity in her husband's vileness. Onlookers were distracted in their amazement that the Vice President could stand on his head.

Doctors say that unless the goodness is removed, Cheney will continue to feel uncomfortable and may need psychological counseling to help him accept that he is not whole and completely evil.

If the operation is a success, doctors expect the Vice President to lead a normal, mean, vicious, nasty lifestyle and to continue to emulate his childhood movie hero, bank magnate, Henry F. Potter, in director Frank Capra's It's a Wonderful Life.

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